by Stella James
Sometimes the most difficult things to write about are also the most essential. I feel this is especially true when many people, much more scholarly than oneself, have already said and written a lot around the issue, and yet your own experience does not seem to fit into the wide net that they’ve cast. Gandhi once said “I have something far more powerful than arguments, namely, experience”. And it is from these words that I derive what I consider the ‘value’ of this piece – not my experience per se, but from what I feel that my experience can tell us about much discussed issues in the country today.
Last December was momentous for the feminist movement in the country – almost an entire population seemed to rise up spontaneously against the violence on women, and the injustices of a seemingly apathetic government. In the strange irony of situations that our world is replete with, the protests were the backdrop of my own experience. In Delhi at that time, interning during the winter vacations of my final year in University, I dodged police barricades and fatigue to go to the assistance of a highly reputed, recently retired Supreme Court judge whom I was working under during my penultimate semester. For my supposed diligence, I was rewarded with sexual assault (not physically injurious, but nevertheless violating) from a man old enough to be my grandfather. I won’t go into the gory details, but suffice it to say that long after I’d left the room, the memory remained, in fact, still remains, with me.
So what bothered me about this incident? As a conditioned member of the society, I had quickly “gotten over” the incident. But was that what worried me: that I had accepted what was essentially an ‘unacceptable’ situation. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the crux of my unease lay in my inability to find a frame in which to talk, or even think, about my experience. While the incident affected me deeply, I felt little anger and almost no rancour towards the man; instead I was shocked and hurt that someone I respected so much would do something like this. My strongest reaction really, was overwhelming sadness. But this sort of response was new to me. That I could understand his actions and forgive him for them, or that I could continue to think of him as an essentially ‘good’ person, seemed a naïve position that were completely at odds with what I had come to accept was the “right” reaction to such incidents.
This emotional response was also completely at odds with the powerful feelings of righteous anger that the protestors in Delhi displayed. I am not trying to say that anger at the violence that women face is not a just or true response, but the polarization of women’s rights debates in India along with their intense emotionality, left me feeling that my only options were to either strongly condemn the judge or to betray my feminist principles. Perhaps this confusion came out of an inadequate understanding of feminist literature, but if so, isn’t then my skewed perception a failing of feminism itself? If the shared experiences of women cannot be easily understood through a feminist lens, then clearly there is a cognitive vacuum that feminism fails to fill. Feminists talk of the guilt a woman faces when sexually harassed, like it is her fault. I felt a similar guilt, except, my guilt wasn’t at being assaulted, but at not reacting more strongly than I did. The very perspective that was meant to help me make sense of my experiences as a woman was the one that obscured the resolution of the problem in my own mind, presumably an effect that feminism does not desire. And if not a result of feminist theory itself, the form that it has taken in India, especially after recent incidents of sexual assault, strengthened the feeling of “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” in a fight that I feel I can no longer take sides in.
All the talk during that time was of stricter punishment, of baying for the blood of “creepy” men. Five years of law school had taught me to look to the law for all solutions – even where I knew that the law was hopelessly inadequate – and my reluctance to wage a legal battle against the judge left me feeling cowardly. On reflection though, I cannot help but wonder why I should have felt that way. As mentioned earlier, I bore, and still bear, no real ill-will towards the man, and had no desire to put his life’s work and reputation in question. On the other hand, I felt I had a responsibility to ensure that other young girls were not put in a similar situation. But I have been unable to find a solution that allows that. Despite the heated public debates, despite a vast army of feminist vigilantes, despite new criminal laws and sexual harassment laws, I have not found closure. The lack of such an alternative led to my facing a crippling sense of intellectual and moral helplessness.
The incident is now a while behind me, and they say time heals all wounds. But during the most difficult emotional times, what helped me most was the ‘insensitivity’ of a close friend whose light-hearted mocking allowed me to laugh at an incident (and a man) that had caused me so much pain. Allowing myself to feel more than just anger at a man who violated me, something that I had never done before, is liberating! So, I want to ask you to think of one thing alone – when dealing with sexual violence, can we allow ourselves to embrace feelings beyond or besides anger, and to accept the complexity of emotions that we face when dealing with any traumatic experience?
Image courtesy: here.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
The Journal of Indian Law and Society Blog 
What happened with you was pathetic and that you were not able to respond to that was also unfortunate. But you escaped the situation was also one right thing you did. The question you posed in the last is not easily answerable as you have put the two distinct situations to choose from. Such instances are common if you are working and not specifically connected with females but males also, however, the situations vary and the irony occurs when a lawyer fail to defend his own interest or a doctor unable cure himself and so on…
It is a good piece of expression. I personally feel each of us have to stand strong on all kind of situations and also need to provide support for others in time of need and a massive awareness also requires in these issues.
This menace will one day come to an end, I am sure. I am shocked as well as angry that something like this can happen by someone who holds such a responsible post. I am not sorry for you, because you are so strong that you don’t need sympathies, rather I am proud that you are so mature and wise. You wrote about this incident and one day you will get justice the natural way, like what do we lawyers say “rule of natural justice”, it has a different interpretation for me. My dear, you will go a long way and teach this grandpa a lesson when the right time comes. Or maybe you will not have to do anything about it, you will simply see his ruins. All the best and don’t allow this incident to consume any further energy of yours.
it is really unfortunate to see an act of vulgarity being replicated by the very own people who are supposedly the protectors of law and are meant to impart justice because they are educated and have the common sense of understanding what are the plight of the people. not only is this horrendous but also leaves us thinking about how the justice system works in our country. u may not be the first one in fact, and not only could he have done this previously and got away with it which is why he would have felt the pleasure to repeat it but also he could have derived sexual favours during his whole career as a judge. who knows how many other girls he would molested and threatened them all by his post as a SC judge. why???? because he is the one person who solely can give the judgement and unfortunately all is fair in love war. and in court we are at war. people coming to him seeking favours would have felt the brunt of his perversions. i think taking a strong stand against this offender would not only have brought his corruption to light but also made the stance of feminism very clear that you cannot take a lady for granted. that their modest should not be outraged. very frankly speaking i think you should have given him the strongest blow to his manhood leaving him to judge whether he would ever be called man enough!!!
i respect your courage for sharing this incident with us and making us aware of what the situation is around us.
Thank you for sharing Stella…I had a similar experience leaving me with similar feelings that left me quite stunned at myself initially. It does give a lot of comfort to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way when everything else I’d heard of and read before that incident led me to believe I would’ve or should’ve acted differently. I couldn’t have expressed it as clearly and in the balanced way that you did. Thank you.
Hi Priya,
It took a lot of thinking for me to get to this point. I actually think I was making myself angry because it is the expected reaction. But when I wrote this piece I forced myself to be honest with myself. And I realized that it doesn’t matter what others say, whether they have experienced something similar or not. I wrote it because I realized that NO ONE has the right to take away my agency. I am the only one that can decide how to react to a situation of sexual harassment, and nobody (feminist or not, but especially feminists) has the right to tell me what to think or how to feel about the situation.
Dear Stella,
Nobody can deny u the right to feel the way u want to.
But remember if that a not being stood upto emboldened the person to take one step further next time would u be able to meet your own eyes whenever u looked in a mirror
This was a really interesting read, and you’re right, Feminism doesn’t talk about an alternate way to address the situation. When what you’re feeling is shock, hurt and sadness… Do you think maybe talking to the judge might have helped get you some closure? Since he’s someone you respect, and you’re feeling a sense of betrayal… I can’t possibly imagine how a perpetrator will react to a conversation about their “bad behaviour” but I wonder if that’s a method that will yield any sort of positive result.
“Gandhi once said “I have something far more powerful than arguments, namely, experience”. And it is from these words that I derive what I consider the ‘value’ of this piece – not my experience per se, but from what I feel that my experience can tell us about much discussed issues in the country today.”
I guess your association with the Natural Justice helped put the ugly experience behind you and yet it will remain as only the much discussed issue in the country today. When you write about your experience and also reserve the right to “think or how to feel about the situation,” I just fail to see the “value” in it.
Sexual Harassment is not a personal issue, its a social issue. Any woman’s response to it should be such that it can get eradicated from society. Silence definitely is not its solution.
This is shocking to say the least, if an educated person (that too in law) like you let go of a person who harassed you, what should we expect from girls and women who have no voice, no chance to speak. You must speak up and reveal his name. And why are you bothered about his reputation & career any way.
Ask for a public apology and admission of guilt like the way Sweta Menon did recently.
U R Right Rakesh. She should have taken action spontaneously. If professional lawyers cannot bring to book such people what about common people !!
I agree with Rakesh. Just because you left unhurt and are able to put the incidence apart will not do any good. The wrongdoing person’s morale shall be boosted to indulge in such activities again unless you tell the truth in open.
Being “an educated person (that too in law): has NOTHING to do with this person’s indecency. An incivil person, regardless of socioeconomic status, will resort to such behaviour when an opportunity arises.
However, one has to be careful in baying for blood and in naming the person. As this reader understands, an investigation is underway. Though there is always the possibility of a cover-up, one should at least wait until it is completed and report published. In a CIVIL society (mentioned by this reader elsewhere in this forum), a person MUST be judged innocent until proven guilty.
I don’t believe that is correct. Firstly, she is the one who went through this, we haven’t. Not being in the situation ourselves, I feel it is not right to assume that a particular reaction is what should have taken place. We cannot control anyone’s emotions, nor can we force them into doing anything. It is simply not ethical and everyone has a right to think on their own and do what they feel is right. I can see your point and I too, do believe that when one is oppressed, one must try to the best of one’s ability to speak up. But did Miss James say she felt oppressed? To the best of my knowledge, she very clearly said that she forgave the man and did not wish to expose him. She mentioned no feelings of fear and loss of security as the reason why she chose not to expose him. So your argument of one of the more empowered women of India feeling too scared to act is baseless. She also stated that were she to reveal her identity, there would be no proof of her having said the truth. There were no witnesses and the other victims were too scared to support her claims. All you are saying is that she should demand a pubic apology. But what if he refuses? Then what? He can certainly not be compelled into apologizing because there is no definite proof. Should she demand an apology from the person, I would greatly admire her for her courage and would encourage her from all my heart. However, as long as she choses not to, I think we all must respect her choice as, not being in exactly the same situation, with exactly the same things weighing on our minds, we cannot judge or try to analyse her reasons for her actions.
1. She has said, she has not got a sense of closure so far. So just telling oneself that I have forgotten is clearly not working.
2. Why has she written this blog in first place if she had forgiven and forgotten?
3. I have not studied law, I dont know law, but someone who has, shouldn’t they be using their knowledge first to defend themselves, how can she say it their word against us? Really? Is it how law works?
4. What moral right she will have tomorrow to stand for a girl who comes to her with a similar complain? She will ask the girl to forgive and forget?
Exceptions apart, the worst scared of the Judges in India are the Advocates – not necessarily women advocates. ATBabubhaiVaghela on Twitter
National Commission for Women must investigate this and such cases with interrogating the past and the present CJI if knowingly kept such crimes wrapped up.
Safer not to criticise Judges… they have a lot of power over ordinary people. Criticism can end up in something like this misuse of IT Act Section 66 (I hope it doesn’t scare you into silence though)
Satyamev Jayate – The Truth Always Wins….
At the end of the day the person exploited the situation and violated your feelings and privacy …if you feel you should accept this and not report the person you are yourself violating your own self…
Yes the bigger fear how would the society interpret or react if you came out in open… and support you or not ? I guess by stopping these kind of people you are doing a bigger good to all the other women who stand to be exploited in these situations not only in your industry but else where as well….lot of women are denied promotions and a better professional career growth as because they have refused sexual advances ….
This person is no better than a rapist or a molester ( as in case of the Delhi Bus case or the Mumbai Mill case ) except that he is educated and comes from a influential background…and hence you might have a biased feeling but an offender is equal under the eyes of the law….
So be brave expose the person… there will be many who will stand by you and many against ( those who are for this exploitation …) but this must be exposed for the betterment of the society and for your own personal good…..
Please dont feel alone! you cant just sit and let the culprit go. You have to be strong and we all are with you. Please name the Retd. Judge and lodge a formal complaint. Your identity can be kept secret if you want when you register the complaint. Also, try to understand all the people who look very respectable and ideal are most of the time not so ideal. They look for an opportunity to fool others for their personal motives. If you need any legal help please feel free to contact me and my law firm.
Justice means not compromising with the corrupt, lavishly powerful and successful person, whether male or female, on the righteous things. It is not only females who bore harassment in work places, but struggling males do find more harsh situations, where they made their spouses to present them to their employers, seniors or other bahubalies. I have learnt and seen the solution in the way, Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi did, when he faced such situation. When he was thrown out from the first class compartment of the conveying train in South Africa, HE, though represented from weaker & exploited society of India, did.
Even in the society, when I feel such exploitation in the name of race, caste, place of birth or residence; I also behave in the same manner. Stop working instanteously with them, left those person in the “manjhdhar” situation. And It is fact that keeping “asahayog aandolan” don’t make you poor.
Feeling yourself that you are not alone, who is just escaping from the situation. Decide yourself, compromise or live with dignity.
I don’t understand why women like you, who is educated in law not able to protect or protest? then what happens to those poor women who are illiterate? Think it again.
Just putting your experience in paper is not sufficient. if you think that the person was wrong and had done wrong with others then who should have complained according to the law. If you are forgiving and don’t want to put his work or reputation on stake then I am sorry in my opinion you are equally responsible. You are giving chance to such highly powerful people to exploit others.
Think about it your complaint might have change the law of the nation for such sexual harassment.
Let me give you an incident. I went to tirupati for darshan. there was huge queue and there were guys who were taking advantage of the situation. But no women were complaining they were feeling awkward but quite which was actually encouraging those guys to harass them.
I would like to know who is responsible here? why women expect others to protect them? thnik it .
Gaurav,
Its a collective responsibility. You should have acted when you see something of that sort happens. To expect the victim to stand up and fight is fine. But you should also have taken a stand and send the message to the people there that such crap will not be tolerated. If you did act in the incident you mentioned, hats-off to you.
I dont know if would stand up and confront them in such a situation you mentioned but still i would say its not the responsibility of the victim alone in the case you mentioned. Every one who was a witness there is equally culpable for not acting “which was actually encouraging those guys to harass them”.
I will muster courage to standup if i confront such a situation in future.
I agree. But I was commenting on Stella blog. The situation which she mentioned is between two people in closed door. If she doesn’t have guts to shout then how come other will know that there is a man with criminal mentality? That too for a girl who is educated in law .
With due respect to her, I want to know, lets assume one more thing, that the same man has promised something in favor of what he has done and she might have accepted at that moment with resistance than why after getting the favor she is complaining? Here I am not justifying the act of the judge, In my opinion he should be severely punished. But how long women will keep on giving excuses that they were helpless , powerless and so on. Where is the demand of equality from them?
She is a victim but Judge from both perspective.
I want to quote here swami vivekananda “The greatest sin is to think that you are weak. No one is greater”
Taking the claim at face value,without bias,prejudice or malice ,the lady should have sensing immediately something amiss,under some excuse, pretext or another left the room,used her cell phone or walked out. Something about having 5 years experience, and doing her last internship, thus she had good knowledge of facts, and defence. Without prejudice ,to her claims Sometimes ladies also may falsely claim all sorts of accusations,for spite,I’ll motivation,disgruntled over views or judgements etc., and other factors etc., which need not be gospel truth. The gret majority of judges do confirm to decorum of code behaviour. Many are polite,courteous or jovial to ladies,which should not be misconstrued .The lady should do away with remorse and fight for ladies genuinely in trouble as a tribute to her claims,
So you find fault of the lady for not doing something even when you take the claim at the face value but not an iota of sympathy for her?
It is easy to comfortably sit in an AC room and speculate what a lady should have done .Men never get it that once this kind of situation happens and a girl feels insecure it is very difficult to think logically and judge pros and cons at that point of time,whatever her social status or upbringing.
Please understand her state of mind before giving such politically correct views.
I entirely support Ms.Stella and appreciate that she has taken a stand which is bold and thoughtful in many ways.I only wish that one day you meet you tormentor in public place and you would be seeing a man on his knees begging for forgiveness.You should pusue a line where in your Tormentor on his own say sorry to you and owns the misdemeanor he indulged with you. God Bless you
Thanks for coming out. Better late than never. Sorry to note abt the incident. Your article is very well written and more importantly with good intentions.
Whistle blowers could be victimized and harassed especially by people in power in the above case. The law enforcement and other authorities would definitely be influenced by the perpetrator. Thus the reason for the long silence.
i think you should file an FIR against him
Hi Stella,
I am so disturbed and depressed after reading your story. If this is situation of a person like you who is herself form the field of law what about other girls? I am father of two little angels and worried a lot about their future, I am working day n night for their financial safety but what about their safety when they will grow up and go in this cruel society? Its so disturbing….
Great courage!Honestly!God!Bless you!Take Care!Sue Him!
Stella, I am happy you have been so honest about your feelings. Actually one goes through a variety of emotions when such a thing happens and anger is one of them. Very often there is an immense sadness that is more debilitating. That many of us have found a way to share such feelings is the positive aspect of feminism.
My salute to this young lady who has taught me to delve into and try to understand the complex emotional upheavel that a woman can go through when faced with depravity from somebody she has looked up to and the gumption required to face the truth. Her supreme maturity in analysing and understanding her own emotions is commendable. Her innate goodness comes through when she looks at the incident spiritually with the sole intention of opening our minds to such incidents which could occur repeatedly on a day to day basis upon so many ladies or maybe also men. I strongly condemn the action of the superior and fatally hope that the superior accepts his action and takes off his mask himself.
Sure this write up is the First step.. please follow up on the rest of the steps so others who are silent and suffering know justice is not given but got!!…
Today this is the headlines news in all the news channels. even Supreme court has taken notice.
Now cat has to be out of the bag. Who is this retired Supreme Court judge?
Most probably in two three weeks time, it will be again a headlines news.
I understand your feeling and this is a deep rooted issues in the society. It cannot be cured by punishing guilty in a few cases although they should be punished.
My thoughts below:
That laws alone can curb such crimes which often go unreported is a false perception.
There has to be a change in the way people perceive women and this has to start from childhood.
When a boy is growing up, even though he may inherently not have the intent to indulge such acts he may be influenced by the people around him and may display such behavior in a group and later he may get a sense that its not wrong.
Perhaps the our School cariculam should be amended to include content which increases sensitivity towards women and perhaps to show the trauma involved with incidents of this nature so they can empathise and may not indulge in such acts. I dont know how best this can be implemented but i believe there should be a debate on this.
We must appreciate the lady for her free thinking and frank expression of her feelings. Her response shows maturity. A Man or a Woman, irrespective of his/her education and status, has animal instincts which can be controlled by Sanskars. These days several cases of molestation of daughters, sisters, grand-daughters by their father/grandfather/brothers/guardians/close relatives are being reported in the press. In the case of this lady it was somebody else’s grandpa. In the past our society tried to avoid such incidents following certain norms like avoiding situations where a male and a female would be exclusively in the company of each other. Moving in groups was the norm for the girls. In today’s society such things are outdated and sacrilegious. We have to evolve new norms of behavior to safeguard women, especially working women.
The other thing I found curious was that the incident took place in a Hotel Room. Why a siting Judge of the Supreme Court of India went to a Hotel for Judicial Work is also a moot question or is it a norm these days?
You may not be the first victim of this SC judge nor you will be the last.You have thought good for you is what you have done but this will not be good in the long run for his next victims.If you had exposed him then his further victims might have been saved
its good u have come out and bought this to light .hopefully justice is served to u and all those women who have been and is going through the same. support is what u need . and we are there 4 u .
its nice that you have courage, though belatedly, to share your experience of the high profile unnamed person. its a fact that you could not have gone against such a powerful person at that time. But today you must expose such person so that this should be an example for such type of persons in future. May God Bless You!!!
I am myself a retired person and deeply anguished at the incident. I feel that the person should not be allowed to go scot free. Normally, we can expect such highly placed person to have some conscience, but in this case, it does not appear to be so. The incident should haunt him during his entire life and not you. I strongly feel that such a person should be ripped open in the public so that he spends his remaining life in his shell and should not be able to interact with the society. You have been bold enough to bring the matter in public domain and should bring the name of the person also like this. God be with you.
This Justice must be brought to Justice at any cost or else more women may suffer at his hands
we are in the transition phase of powerful society to utilitarian society. male community are used to think like muscle perspective(power ego). feminine thoughts indirectly helps power based thinking .it ,ll never help to make an utilitarian society. we should treat all these matters as conflict between strong and weak in terms of power politics. As long as any kind of power based society would run ,similar torture ,ll be continued .no matter with females ,child,servants,farmers,wives.
our family as well as society used to behave like power terminology. courts also work on the basis of same terms.Rights ,Revenge are different words of power orientation .it,ll never give any solution. because it never treats with feelings .same your male friend ,judge and their mindset was doing .all these people are living in the same world .
so i think not only male community ,but whole society should be transformed in such world where no fear exists ,no complex exists . i congratulate you ,you tried to think in this line .but you need to go miles ahead. as a law students ,i am looking that your are not rationalizing the rationals and reasons . intellects are just trying to look into one aspects of logic and get themselves satisfied with great feeling of women empowerment.which again classifies power domain.
The inherent mission of a lawyer is to imbibe oneself with the knowledge of law without knowing which side of the “truth” one would ultimately be called on to argue for. In such a situation the saving grace is to take solace from the fact that good people sometimes do very terrible things and vile people sometimes do very good things.
The same “dose” of blindfolded punishment may be an irritation for some but lethal for others. Upon such introspection justice becomes subjective for the seeker. I see your point.
This incident gives a proof that Asaram wannabes can be found in all professions and no matter how much esteemed position they enjoy in the society it simply does not matter to them.They just feel they can roam scot-free because no would dare to stand against their ill deeds.If the girl of Asaram case had chosen not to speak than God knows how many more girls would had fallen prey.So I urge the writer of the blog to come forward and name the person concerned and get him punished .
I read in the papers today that an EX-SC judge had sexually harassed a law intern – though horribly insensitive of me, I don’t remember registering any feelings worth writing about. Then during idle net surfing to wile away some more time at work, I read the caption in legally India that the CJI had constituted a committee to investigate this incident. I idly clicked on the link to your blog expecting a rendition on how you were violated and your anger at the violator and the system and how you felt repressed which is why you could not protest earlier. But I was quite surprised (and I won’t say unpleasantly because your reflections are refreshing and resonate somewhere) by the content of your post. I am only curious to know did you anticipate the reaction it has brought about? I can see the ‘value’ that you see. But do you think that the debate that your post has generated has taken note of the ‘value’? I would not like you to think however that I, in any manner discount any of the emotions that you felt and now feel. I understand them completely. Nor would I try to judge you or sermonise on what you ought to have done.
Respect your courage, I can’t say what would be justice in such an event. It’s just a very deep dent which probably a strong person can still manage better unlike many others in the country being subjected to groping, abuse and don’t know what. Just looking at the positive side of things, pardon my saying so, I just wish you are strong and supported enough to take this to the level where it sets some sort of change in reactions of such perpetrators. God bless you, we are with you.
Hats off to you. Who will judge the judges. you have correctly mentioned in your blog that Indian law is very weak and non existent, when it comes to deal with crime committed by sitting judge(s). I know now you will forced by many external forces (including women organisation) to withdraw your accusations, I wish god give you more courage and strength to deal with all the external forces. Keep raising your voice, as you know, not speaking about a crime means you are also complicit in the crime.
A layman can guess the name of the culprit. You have left sufficient clue to trace that.
Hats off to you dear for disclosing the fact, but this journey remains incomplete unless you file a Zero FIR against the culprit. Please dont let him escape…….
Stella,
It is not just sexual harassment…. any major issue that this nation faces has the same problem…………..extreme views of people.
Even people like me (with half a brain) find it impossible to take sides…. I can imagine the conflict in the minds of intellectuals like you.
Whatever the outcome of the steps that you have now taken…… don’t let it demotivate you……. keep writing and sharing your thoughts…. you are one in a billion (both in terms of writing talent and in terms of your views)….. you can be a guide to a lot of young people …….a candle in the wind.
Will someone please try to understand the dilemma of Ms James, instead of blurting out their own authoritarian views on how best to deal the larger issue of harassment. James, you have written one hell of a piece, describing your mental state so lucidly without going into the staid legality or platitudinous morality. A sensitive soul goes through a range of emotion when it meets unexpected violence; this violation can happen at a public place, home, or office… by a stranger or one’s own. This sticky feeling of being violated, coupled with breach of deep trust, can wreck one’s nerves. I seriously salute your mode of response to this violence. And I hope you are feeling lighter.
A really sensible point of view, Pankaj – I was meaning to write something exactly like what you have explained. Your phrase “staid legality or platitudinous morality” captures it all. Everyone is yelling hoarse on the “what should Stella do” bandwagon without listening to what she has already done.
Stella, you are plainly and simply saying that “you feel no rancor towards the man”, so nobody has a right to tell you that you SHOULD indeed HATE that man. Now that the media has come in, they will compete to polarize the debate into a shrill cacophony and tear your original version to shreds. No finer nuances permissible here, only vehemently argued positions! God save our sensibilities which are being bludgeoned into black and white – no shades of grey can be allowed to exist!
Finally, someone with an iota of common sense!
3 STEPS TO JUSTICE
Dear Stella:
1. You should have asked for a private apology.
(If it brought closure and if it would satisfy you.)
2. If the above was inadequate, you should have asked for a public apology.
(If it brought closure and if it would satisfy you.)
3. If the above was inadequate, you should have named the person,
and equally petitioned social conscience and the custodians of law.
The twin dynamics and parallel effects of shame and punishment
would deliver justice.
At no graduated stage and option, would you have acted with vengeance or vendetta.
Instead, by ennunciating the nature of violation, but not naming the violator,
you have exercised none of the above three steps.
Why?
Debdoot Sanyal:
What Stella has undertaken is an extremely courageous action. No one – but NO ONE – can question her specific actions or lack thereof, if any. They are based on her rationale and her rationale ONLY. In this specific and extremely unpleasant event, no one else but she and only she experienced it.
NEITHER can one question her rationale.
I can empathasise and feel the lonely battle within yourself that u faced to put this incident behind.But, i also feel that the very intellect and training that we undergo in achieving professional expertise and which helps us to ” understand” is also impairing action and making us really helpless leading to a wodehousian dilemna of what do u really do if something grotesque suddenly raises its ugly head and barges in . Wishing you all the very best and much better memories and strength to put this incident truly behind and look to a much better and brighter tomorrow.
With best wishes
These days it seems men, dont have any respect for for women. If such super-educated person can do such acts, what can we expect from others. I think in todays time, a girl or a woman should take care of herself, and stay safe. Its very difficult to trust anyone. 😦
As a father of two girls, this reader finds this narrative particularly compelling. Also, and having left India some 44 years ago and living in a country with advanced economy, people like myself have a unique perspective to why – irrespective of whatever advances India has made – women in general are still not respected enough there.
To this reader, the root cause is a terrible lack of CIVILITY in Indian society, particularly when compared to countries with advanced economies. My relatives and friends in India are up in arms when I mention this. However and arguably, this leads to another conclusion. Indians in general do not accept responsibility. One has to first acknowledge the existence of a problem, BEFORE one can tackle it to resolve a problem. It seems that Indians typically are reluctant to accept societal blame when such blame is indeed due.
Of course all such problems happen in other countries. Some do better than others. Some do worse. Based on personal and anecdotal experience – having traveled in twenty odd countries – India seems to be among the ones who do worse. It is a matter of degree.
What can be done about it, in a country as large and as complex as India? The younger children MUST be taught to be CIVIL – in ALL aspects of their lives. It is that simple and that difficult. The growth of a civil society comes mostly from younger generations.
However, the very first action that ALL adult Indians MUST also perform is to ACCEPT that there is indeed a high degree of incivility in India. Or else NOTHING will matter or happen.
Lastly, but not the least, this article is extremely well written. Sorry, but British Council has also concluded that the standard of English in India has declined gradually over many years, notwithstanding the existence of many world-class Indian authors who write in English. This article should be used in English classes as an excellent example of good diction and expression.
It is a good thing that you shared this publicly … definitely this society and law have failed to protect the dignity of women but you have definitely succeeded in protecting other girls who could have been his next victims …
I do not have all the answers so this comment may seem incomplete. Perhaps, I am writing nothing new. Hope it helps. It appears, there was not enough satisfaction then or now with the actions taken after the incident. And these actions were driven by emotions – anger would possibly have led the kind of actions and expectations that was in the air at that time – emotions/ feelings other than anger led to a space which you are trying to understand as it seems unlabelled as of now. On the path I am, the linkages from event to emotion/ feeling to decision/action do not seem that intuitive as they did earlier. Earlier one experienced injustice (or an event), one felt angry and one acted. But the action/decision or its suitability should depend on the nature of injustice and emotion should not have a place. Lawyers and perhaps surgeons follow this all the time – are perhaps trained to follow this – when not dealing with personal issues. So, out of many possible choice of action, how does one know the right action to take, if you take emotion out of the equation? Indeed, that is a very tough question. If you ever get to read the Mahabharata – it starts with this question – what is dharma – the right action and ends with it – so it can be vexatiously complex! As I have understood till now – right action could be different or same for different people – but it has to be the right action… and feeling or emotion should not be a driving force towards the decision or action. Whatever you do about this incident, please do ponder if its the Right Action that you are taking, regardless of the emotional space you may be in.